Come Undone
by RockSteady54
Summary: Jacob, Quil, and Embry are three friends with one goal: getting laid. The trio's misadventures take on a serious turn when Embry falls for the new girl in school. Embry has to suffer while learning Bella will become Jacob's latest conquest. JxBxEm, AH/AU
1. Pickup

**A Twilight fan fiction based on the 80's movie The Last American Virgin. This story is part of the 80's Twilight Challenge. Visit our blog for other great stories: http(:)/liketwilightfursure(.)blogspot(.)com/**

**Full Summary:**

Jacob, Quil, and Embry are three friends with one goal: getting laid. This quest consumes most of their time and all of their resources. Jacob is the shallow stud, with smooth moves and an abhorrent lack of remorse. Quil is the party meister, self-conscious but willing to throw down. Embry is a simple guy hindered by incorrigible sweetness and lack of initiative. The trio's misadventures take on a serious undercurrent when Embry falls for the hot new girl in school. Embry's circuitous attempts to woo Bella prove inferior to Jacob's direct approach. Embry has to suffer while learning Bella will become Jacob's latest conquest and his feelings for Bella cast Jacob's past exploits in a harsh light. The romantic interest jeopardizes their friendship which may turn pals into bitter rivals.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight Saga or The Last American Virgin. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Content warning:** This chapter contains bad language, references to sex and substance abuse.

**Beta:** Shawnie

**Pre-reader:** Twiggs (Maggie)

* * *

**Chapter One – Pickup**

"You sure you know which ones go where?"

"I'm sure, Paul." Embry muttered while stuffing the stack of pink pizza boxes in the back of the station wagon.

"That's what you told me yesterday and I ended up driving twelve anchovies to a customer's house."

Paul followed Embry to the station wagon holding three six-pack cases of beer in one hand while the other held another stack of pink pizza boxes.

"Yeah, well that's 'cause of your lousy handwriting, I can't read the address!"

Embry rolled his eyes turning around to grab the other pizza boxes from Paul.

"You ought to spend more time in school instead of cruisin' around with broads in my car. Then you'd learn how to read," Paul said as he handed the cases of beer to Embry. "Now come on, hurry up. And this time, bring the car back!" Paul pointed a finger at Embry.

"Paul, you said I could have it tonight!" Embry whined.

"What are you trying to do? Ruin me? I ain't the rent-a-car business."

Embry huffed in annoyance while shutting the back door of the station wagon closed.

"Let's go. The pizzas are getting cold. And don't squish the boxes!" Paul yelled clapping his hands to Embry in order to make a point.

"Yeah, Yeah. I got it! Just because you're my boss doesn't mean you can keep bustin' my balls!" Embry stepped inside the vehicle and started the car.

"Be careful how you drive!" Paul's voice was faintly heard as Embry sped out of the parking lot and onto the busy streets of Los Angeles.

Embry cruised onto the freeway in the Pepto-Bismol pink station wagon. It had a generic Italian guy mounted on top of the car holding a pizza. The station wagon belonged to Paul but on occasion, Paul reluctantly let Embry take the car to school. But Embry and his two best friends, Jacob and Quil, used it to pick-up girls.

Jacob was the shallow stud. With his smooth moves and abhorrent lack of remorse, he could get any girl he wanted. Quil was the party meister, self-conscious but willing to throw down whenever his friends needed him. And Embry was the simple guy, hindered by an incorrigible sweetness and a lack of initiative. He was shy and timid.

But this semester, they had one goal: to get laid. What else were teenage hormone driven boys to do in their junior year of high school?

The beautiful California sun shined through the windshield and the palm trees passed him as Embry drove down the rich neighborhoods of Hollywood.

He finally arrived at his destination where he had numerous pizzas to deliver.

A cute blond opened the door, wearing a revealing low-cut top. As he stared at her tits, he promised himself he'd soon know what it felt like to have his dick handled by a real girl instead of having to jerk off in the shower every morning. Embry decided 1982 was going to be the best year of his high school career.

* * *

The night was young and Embry was going to meet his best friends, Quil and Jacob, at The Golden Bird. This was the dive everyone hung out at.

Embry pulled up at the popular dive in the pink station wagon. The parking lot was overflowing with kids from the local high school.

He turned off the ignition and climbed out of the car. Embry fixed his Navy Blue sports coat and slicked his hair back once more to make sure not a hair was out of place.

A garish neon 'Burger' sign flashed high over the dive. Embry came up to the drive-in window to order an ice cream when he laid eyes on the most gorgeous creature he'd ever seen. Her porcelain features were perfect.

Her long wavy locks of chestnut hair were beautiful against her milky skin. Everything about her was absolutely flawless. She wore a nice form-fitting light pink frilly dress. Embry stared at her in awe. His mouth hung wide open, waiting for a fly to make its home inside.

"I'll take a rocky road." The intriguing girl asked with a warm smile on her face.

"Pink bubble gum, please." A nasal voice resounded from the new girl's side. Embry hadn't even noticed her standing right next to the stunning being he was enthralled with.

"Pink bubble gum?" The girl with the chestnut hair giggled to her friend.

Her friend was dressed in a yellow off the shoulder shirt with a black skirt and black nylons."Yeah Bella…it's the flavor of the month," she responded while popping her bubble gum noisily.

Embry had somehow gravitated closer to the attractive girl without realizing it until she turned her head to face him.

Her lips rose into a slight smile as she eyed him warily. He closed his mouth and gave a small smile in return. It looked like he wanted to say something to her. She waited and her eyebrows rose in expectation, but nothing came out of Embry's mouth as he continued to ogle her. She pursed her lips and turned back to face the cashier.

"Rocky road," the guy behind the counter said, handing her the frozen treat.

"Oh, thank you." The sandy-blond haired girl handed some change to the guy behind the window before both girls walked away to where Bella's scooter was parked.

Embry didn't move a muscle.

"What do you want?" The voice pulled him from his infatuation.

"Um, a rocky road," Embry responded blankly while still gawking in Bella's direction. He saw her mount the moped scooter with her friend in tow.

"She's fine, isn't she?" Embry noticed he wore a name tag: Felix. His yellow uniform and matching cap had a ridiculous chicken logo on it. He nodded in Bella's direction.

"Yeah, do you know her?" Embry was in an almost hypnotic state still gazing at Bella.

Felix shook his head before answering. "Never saw her before in my life."

"Huh." He nodded back after receiving his ice cream cone. His eyes never left Bella until she was out of the parking lot.

He had to find out who this girl was. This was the kind of girl that haunted his best wet dreams. Embry pondered how he would get to know this girl – shit – he needed to find out her name first though.

Embry walked over to where he saw Jacob and Quil sitting. They both had stupid smirks on their faces. He nodded at them both before he sat down next to Jacob.

"Hey. You know those three chicks over there?" Jacob elbowed Embry in the arm.

"Where?"

"Right there," Jacob nodded in the direction of the table right across from them.

There sat two sexy brunettes, one with long hair, the other with short hair, and a buxom blond talking and giggling while drinking their sodas.

"You don't mean those three alien creatures sittin' over there, do you?" Embry retorted while all three eyeballed the girls.

"Quil's just telling me that they're easy lays." Jacob said with a smile in his voice. Quil nodded enthusiastically.

"You just _think_ they're easy lays!" Embry laughed at both his friends.

Quil shook his head at Embry. "I'm not imagining. Listen, Embry...Brady's brother fucks that blond like he owns her."

Embry didn't believe this. He motioned with his hands towards the girls. "Bullshit. Will you look at 'em? They're virgins."

"They're not. I can tell by the way they walk. Right, Jake?" Quil unglued his eyes from the girls to glance at Jacob expecting his agreement.

"That brunette with short hair ain't no virgin, just…" Jacob practically salivated over her.

"...look at the way she's suckin' on that straw." Quil finished.

Embry rolled his eyes and started rising from his seat. "I'm wasting my time here. Count me out."

Jacob grabbed Embry's arm before he could fully get up and walk away. "Hey, cool it for a second, Embry. This could be interesting."

He sighed and sat back down resting his head on his hand and continued to eat his ice cream. He waited for Quil and Jacob to make the next move.

Jacob smirked, "Quil, why don't you walk over there…and invite the three ladies to our table?"

"No problem." Quil stood up from the table and pulled out a pair of sunglasses from his yellow vest pocket. He put them on thinking they'd make him look even cooler. Maybe he'd score double points with the ladies. He made his way over to where the girls were having a good time on their own.

Embry and Jacob sat back while they watched their friend work his magic.

"Hi girls, how's it goin' tonight?" They both overheard Quil as he approached the forbidden territory. All three girls stopped their gabbing and simultaneously craned their heads to look up at Quil like a deer about to get hit by a car.

"Seriously, will you count me out, Jake?" Embry whined again.

Jacob looked at his friend like he had a third eyeball on his face. "Hey, do you want to get laid or not?"

"I'd rather fuck Godzilla than them." Embry snapped while they both stared on as Quil kept trying to persuade the girls into joining them.

"Do you have the key to your grandmother's house?" Jacob perked up and asked Embry when he saw Quil finally convince the three girls to come back to their table. Jacob smoothed his short hair back and lifted the collar of his black leather jacket.

Embry glanced around nervously as he fixed the collar of his blazer as well. "No, but we can go to my house. My parents went out."

"Perfect." Jacob grinned broadly.

The girls finally arrived at their table with Quil.

"Hi ladies," Jacob gave them a smoldering look with his irresistible smile.

"Hi." All three girls said in unison.

"Sit down." Jacob motioned with his head to the three empty seats in front of him that Quil had pulled up to the table.

The girls giggled and blushed. The guys chuckled, feeling proud and accomplished, like cavemen who had just clubbed frisky females and dragged them to their cave.

"I'm Jake. This is Embry," Jacob motioned to his friend. "You've met the Big Apple, Quil."

The girls nodded and giggled.

"I'm Kim," The first girl smiled meekly. Kim was the more reserved out of the three.

The buxom blond introduced herself. "I'm Claire."

The brunette with the short hair eyed Jacob. "Hi, I'm Leah," she sat across from him and rested her hand on his.

"Let's not let the party go on without us, girls." Jacob said smoothly with a crooked grin on his face.

"What party?" Leah piped up curiously.

"Oh, well the best party in town, sweetheart." Jacob answered in a flirtatious tone while smiling seductively. He elbowed Embry in the arm, "Tell 'em about it, Embry."

The girls turned to look at Embry waiting to hear the information of this infamous party.

Embry looked at Jacob anxiously then cleared his throat before returning his gaze to the girls, smiling. "Yeah, it's gonna be great. There's great music and people, and..."

"What about drugs?" Kim cut him off.

Quil jumped in to answer. "Well, we have uppers, downers...a little bit of smoke. All kinds, right guys?" He turned his gaze on Jacob and Embry.

They both nodded fervently. "Uh-huh."

"What about coke?" This time Claire asked in an innocent voice.

"Yeah?" the other girls wanted to know.

"Coke?" Jacob repeated.

"Yeah." The three girls parroted, nodding their heads.

Jacob smirked slyly. He knew exactly what these girls wanted and glanced at Quil and Embry. "Yeah, lots of coke." He reassured them.

"Of course," Embry gave a tremulous smile.

Quil gestured with his hands making the shape of a large bag. "Yeah, we have a whole big...plenty of coke."

All three guys laughed and nodded. The girls looked at each other like they were communicating their answers telepathically to one another.

"Well, what do you say, ladies?" Jacob cocked a brow.

"No. I say no." Kim whispered under her breath to her two friends. The girls consorted, trying to decide what they were going to do.

"Told you they were too hot to trot," Quil muttered to Jacob.

Jacob kicked Quil under the table. "Shut up."

"Ow!" Quil ground his teeth while rubbing his shin.

The girls continued to whisper and nod to one another. The more reserved one of the three, Kim, seemed to agree with her two friends that were whispering into her ear all the reasons why they should go with these guys.

"OK." Kim finally said.

"OK, what's the verdict, girls?" Jacob grinned widely.

Leah spoke up for the three. "Well, as long as you keep your hands to yourselves...and get us home by twelve." She smiled and nodded, as did Claire and Kim.

But Kim frowned at the last part of Leah's sentence. "A quarter till twelve! You know I have to be home at a quarter till twelve," she griped to Leah.

Leah shook her head and grumbled. "Kim!"

"You guys fight later," Claire glared at Kim and Leah while scolding them in her high-pitched voice. "We have a party to go to, right?" She turned back to the guys and smiled like the dumb blond she was.

"Yeeeah!" Jacob, Quil, and Embry had cheesy grins on their faces while they replied in unison. They knew they had these girls eating out of the palms of their hands.

This was certainly going to be a fun and unforgettable night.


	2. Party of Six

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight Saga or The Last American Virgin. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Content warning:** This chapter contains bad language, references to explicit sex and slight 'substance abuse'. (If you can really call it that *shrugs* and for christ's sake, don't try it at home.)

**Beta:** Shawnie

**Pre-reader:** Twiggs (Maggie)

* * *

**Chapter Two – Party of Six**

The generic figure of the Italian guy holding a pizza, mounted on top of the car, rode high in the night sky. The music blared inside the pink station wagon as the guys laughed and flirted with the girls, making them giggle and blush. They cruised down Whittier Boulevard in the direction of Embry's house to begin their night of debauchery.

They couldn't get there soon enough. Embry's parents were supposed to be out of town until the next evening so they would have the whole house to themselves. Tonight would be the night Embry would lose his virginity. Jake and Quil were experienced enough so they already knew how to work their charm to get into these girls' pants. Embry was nervous but at the same time, the flutter of excitement began to stir in the pit of his stomach.

They finally arrived at the modest suburban home. Embry parked the car and they all climbed out of the vehicle and walked up the cobblestone pathway to the front door.

Embry inserted his key into the door lock and opened it to reveal a dark and empty house. He flicked the light switch on and leaned against the open door, allowing the girls to enter one-by-one. He stared at the girls nervously as they strutted inside.

The girls glanced around the room cautiously as they made their way to the living room. Jake and Quil followed suit, grinning from ear-to-ear at Embry.

"Step right in, ladies. Relax, the place is ours. Embry's parents are out of town." Jake said taking off his black leather jacket.

Embry motioned for the girls to take a seat on the sofa. "Everybody make yourselves at home."

Jake and Quil moved the coffee table that was set in the middle of the room off to the side. The girls noticed they were the only ones there.

"Where is everybody?" Claire wondered.

Jake turned to respond. "They should be here any minute."

"Yeah, they're on their way." Quil added to Jacob's lie.

Of course, the guys knew there was no party. They were full of shit. The only thing they cared about was getting their dicks wet. And they would be sure to get that done tonight.

"I don't like this." Kim muttered to her girlfriends.

Embry walked over to the record player and put on a vinyl to play one of Blondie's slow single. He stood in place, watching the guys make their move on the girls.

Jacob walked over to Leah and extended his hand in a gentlemanly way, flashing his compelling smile. "Would you like to dance?"

Leah bit her lip and half-smiled. "OK."

She grabbed his hand and he pulled her from the sofa. Jacob wrapped his arms around her waist as she encircled hers around his neck. He began to sway their bodies to the slow rhythm of the music.

Jacob ran his eager hands down the sides of her body, smoothing them up and down, feeling the bare flesh of her waist exposed by the leopard print tube-top she wore, until he cupped her ass through her tight black leather pants. He squeezed and reveled in her luscious soft mounds of flesh.

Leah didn't mind being groped. She ran one of her hands against the firm, muscular bicep revealed by Jacob's black sleeveless shirt.

Quil walked up to Claire and mimicked Jacob's move, grinning. "How about you, would you like to dance?"

Claire bit her lip and the rosiness on her cheeks was evident, "Oh, yeah sure."

Quil pulled her into his arms and they began to move to the soft music next to Jacob and Leah.

Jacob began to work his artificial endearment by staring directly into Leah's eyes, making her feel like the most beautiful girl on the planet. He never took his eyes off of her as he continued to provocatively feel her up. Leah ate it all up. She was ready and willing to give it up to Jacob. She ran her hands over his hard chest, feeling the muscles of his pecks through the thin material of his shirt.

Jacob smirked at Leah. He was certain now that he'd have her in bed screaming his name by the night's end.

He turned to glance at Embry and whispered, "Embry." He motioned his head gesturing towards Kim.

Embry pursed his lips and nodded. He reluctantly moved towards the sofa and sat down next to Kim.

Kim wasn't the most gorgeous girl in the group. Her hair was a bit frizzy, she wore large red-framed glasses, and she was chubbier than the other girls. But Embry just wanted to get some action already. He had to lose his virginity before high school ended next year.

"Hi," Embry smiled shyly at her. His game was as cold as a dead fish.

Kim looked down at her hands resting on her lap. "Hi."

They both sat awkwardly in silence watching the other two couples get cozy while dancing.

Claire smiled too happily at Quil. "You know, you're a great dancer."

Quil snorted looking away. "Yeah, I know."

Embry couldn't take much more of this. The guys were playing the game right to get laid and he was sitting here like a stubborn donkey that wouldn't budge. _It's now or never_ he thought and finally worked up the courage to make his move.

"Would you like to dance?" He smiled and scooted closer to Kim.

Kim scooted away from Embry and answered quickly. "I really don't care."

Embry furrowed his brows and looked down. He sighed. "Well, you don't care, yes...or you don't care, no?"

Kim answered nonchalantly. "It doesn't make any difference."

He nodded and looked away grimacing. _This is going to be a long night_ he thought. Embry looked at Kim again and clapped his hands together, giving a fake smile. "So, what do you say we dance?"

Kim shrugged. "I don't care." Her tone was disinterested but she stood up anyways with Embry and moved to the dance floor. Embry inexpertly put his hand on one of her shoulders but Kim moved it to her waist and they stiffly began to dance.

He was hardly the womanizer so he didn't know where to put what. Would it be like this once he'd finally get to fuck one of these girls? Embry needed all the help he could get.

"What do you think about this song?" Embry tried to make light conversation between them.

Kim shrugged. "I really don't care."

He rolled his eyes; this girl was getting on his nerves. "What do you care about?"

"Listen, don't start that small talk with me," Kim snapped at him shaking her head. Embry stared at her in disbelief. "It's not gonna help you anyway. You're not gonna get anything from me."

Embry swallowed hard. "Listen, I didn't..."

"I really don't care." Kim answered harshly.

He looked away rolling his eyes exaggeratedly and huffed. Out of all the girls, he had to be stuck with the only one who wouldn't put out.

Meanwhile, Jacob had his game going on pretty damn well. He was about to close the deal with Leah. He still had his hands on her ass and slid his fingers further down to caress her sweet mound.

"Please don't, Jake." Leah whispered into his mouth as he drew closer until finally locking lips with her, sliding his tongue into her mouth.

"Please stop." She moaned between kisses. "Please stop. Jake."

Jacob was determined and he knew no girl could resist him. Even though Leah was asking him to stop, he knew she wanted more. He could tell by her body language and the way she responded to him; she was all hot and bothered by now. They sucked face until the song finally came to an end.

He reluctantly pulled away from her and Leah walked back to the sofa to join the other girls.

Quil moved closer to Jacob and whispered something about how lucky they were tonight and fist pumped into the air. They both smiled impishly.

"I think maybe we should go," Kim whispered to her friends.

"No." Leah whispered back.

Kim was always the party pooper. "We don't even know where we are." She glanced around the house.

"So...," Jacob chuckled and stuck his hands in his pockets.

Kim whipped her head up and questioned, "What about the drugs?" The two other girls nodded their heads and smiled staring up at Jacob.

_Shit_, Jacob thought. He didn't know where the hell he was going to find the kinds of drugs they wanted. He really didn't think they'd ask for them. It was all just a ploy to get these girls to come with them. Jacob turned to Quil as the scape goat. "What about the drugs?"

Quil stared at him wide-eyed and didn't know what else to do except turn to Embry. "What about the drugs?"

Embry stared blankly at them. He snapped out of his trance and blurted the first thing that came to his mind. "They're in the kitchen."

Quil turned back to respond to Jacob. "They're in the kitchen."

"They're in the kitchen." Jacob finally told the girls.

They spoke to one another as if they weren't only two feet away from each other.

Claire turned to her girlfriends. "They're in the kitchen." She apparently had to show her blondness at the moment.

"Yeah," Kim and Leah nodded enthusiastically.

"So you girls sit tight, and we'll be right back." Jacob gestured with his hands for them to stay put.

The guys walked into the kitchen bickering with each other.

"You better think of something quick," Jacob gritted through his teeth.

Embry walked up to Jacob and got in his face. He was upset they wouldn't be able to deliver what these girls wanted and he'd lose out on his chance to finally feel his cock inside a tight wet pussy.

"Why the hell did you have to promise 'em drugs?"

"Because that's what they wanted." Jacob whispered harshly.

"You shouldn't have promised them anything!" Embry shot back.

Jacob tilted his head slightly and poked Embry with a finger in his chest. "Look, if I didn't promise them _something_ they would've never come, right?"

"Well, what are we supposed to do now?" Embry looked at both Jacob and Quil.

The light bulb clicked above Quil's head. "Wait a second! You got any Sweet'N Low?" He grinned at Embry.

This had to work, otherwise; they would be fucked. And not in the way they hoped to be.

* * *

Jacob, Quil, and Embry walked back into the living room. Jacob held a small square mirror in his hands with the lines of Sweet'N Low he hoped would pass off as cocaine. "Here we are, girls; the best stuff in town."

"Yeah, fresh from Peru." Quil stupidly remarked.

Embry held a bowl of chips and smiled, "…and crispy chips."

Quil handed the cut-off straw to Jacob. He handed the small mirror with the white substance to Claire. "One hit, and you'll be flyin'."

The guys stood back and waited anxiously as they watched Claire take the straw and mirror in her hands. She began to snort one line slowly until it disappeared from the flat surface.

Claire looked up and her eyes almost bugged out of her head. She sniffled for a few moments before speaking up, "Really good stuff!" She rubbed her nose and handed the fake drug paraphernalia back to Jacob.

The guys breathed a sigh of relief. _This will work_, they all thought. They still feared the other girls may be able to figure out this crap wasn't real.

"Great!" Leah chirped.

Jacob handed the contents to Leah next. The guys waited with baited breaths.

She pressed the straw to the lines and sniffed quickly. She closed her eyes and pinched her nose. "Mmm, I love it." She handed the mirror back to Jacob.

The guys glanced at each other in disbelief. Now they only had to convince Kim this was the real shit.

Leah held her nose smiling and nodded at Kim signaling, _'it's OK, go on'_.

Kim took the straw and mirror from Jacob hesitantly and glanced back to Claire and Leah. They both smiled brightly at Kim to encourage her. Kim appeared worried since she was still reluctant to trust these guys. She looked up at the trio of guys who were staring at her expectantly.

She finally pressed her nose against the straw and began inhaling the sugary substance. She inhaled, and inhaled...and inhaled until it was all gone.

The guys glanced around; fearful they would be caught any second.

Kim made a face and shook her head while pressing her nostrils together. "This is the best Colombian I've ever had."

The guys could finally relax. They couldn't believe these stupid bitches fell for it.

"Want another line?" Jacob asked the girls eagerly.

"You mean, like, now?" Claire asked dumbly.

"Yeah," Jacob nodded.

"No, no." Claire shook her head.

Kim shook her head too and waved. "No, thanks a lot."

Quil had a smile stretched across his face. "Good stuff, huh?"

"Yeah," the girls giggled.

The guys knew these girls were gullible but apparently this was going to be easier than they planned.

* * *

Quil disappeared from the living room and went hunting for an empty bedroom in Embry's house. He walked down the hallway and opened the first door on his right.

It was fairly large and in the dim light, you could faintly see it was the color of the sky. He tip-toed in and closed the door behind him.

He quickly shuffled his way to the neatly made bed in the middle of that room. Its light blue cover matched the walls.

Quil hovered over the side and pressed his palms against the mattress a few times, testing the springiness of the bed. Once he was satisfied, he stood up and turned around to sit on the edge, bouncing his body up and down. Quil then stood up and did a belly flop onto the bed to test its stability.

He had to make sure it was comfortable and durable when he was going to finally fuck the fine blond in a few minutes.

After he was satisfied it wasn't a piece of shit, he walked back out into the living room.

Embry sat miserably on one side of the sofa while Kim sat on the opposite side with the same forlorn expression. Jacob and Leah were sitting between them deep-throating with each other's tongues. Claire, the ditzy blond, could not have cared less what was going on around her since she had stuffed her face in the Sweet'N Low, snorting the generic sugar up her nose.

"Hey Claire, can I talk to you inside for a second?" Quil stood in the hallway and pointed his thumb towards the bedroom he had just come out of.

Claire jerked her head up with the apparent sugar dusted all over her nose, "Oh, yeah sure."

She stood and walked with Quil into the bedroom. He didn't bother telling her she looked like a mime with the white stuff on her face.

"Gee, it's sort of dark in here." She gazed around the unlit room.

Quil walked her to the bed. "Yeah, I guess the bulb kind of burnt itself out. Sit down." He patted the empty space next to him.

He aggressively made his move and pulled Claire against him by the waist once she sat down.

Claire was apprehensive. "So uh, what did you want to talk to me about?

"You know," he smirked.

"I know what?" She smiled back.

"You know." Quil repeated.

"You sort of like me, huh?" She whispered.

"Yeah." He replied and leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

Claire pulled away after a few seconds and gazed at him dreamily. She must have thought he was the best kisser in the world by the way she was looking at him.

"You got white stuff all over your nose." She giggled to Quil.

"So do you." He wiped the residue with his hand.

"I do?" She laughed and wiped her nose as well. "This coke is kind of sweet. It's really good stuff."

"Yeah, the best," Quil grinned and pushed on her shoulders until she was lying on the bed, then he settled on top her.

"Quil, what are you doing?" Claire yelped.

He wasn't the only one that was about to get lucky. Jacob and Leah were still making out and practically dry humping each other on the sofa while Embry stared at them, feeling very turned on, and Kim stared uncomfortably.

"Excuse me." Kim pushed them away from her since the horny couple was oblivious to everything around them.

Jacob leaned up and gave a cocky smirk to Leah. "Let's take our business elsewhere."

"OK." She answered breathlessly.

He pulled her off the sofa and they walked together towards the hallway to one of the unused rooms.

Jacob stopped at the entrance to the hallway before disappearing into one of the rooms and turned around to look at Embry. "Now, you two have fun." He winked and turned the light off leaving Embry and Kim alone in the dark.

Embry swallowed hard. He was nervous as hell but he would act cool and collected. "Do you want a chip?" He offered to Kim with the bowl in his hands.

She snatched the bowl of chips out of Embry's hands. "Thank you."

She couldn't look at him in the face. She couldn't even look at the floor. Kim stared at the ceiling the whole time she stuffed her face with the pieces of fried junk food.

Embry figured he'd try to be smooth and inched closer to Kim.

Back in one of the bedrooms, Quil was apparently wrong to think Claire would put out easy.

"Quil, please don't." Claire pushed him away and sat up. "Look, I don't wanna take my blouse off. I just met you tonight." She pouted.

Quil was frustrated. He was about to burst from the fucking hard-on he had. "...but what about Leah and Kim?"

"What about them?" Claire frowned.

"They don't seem to be having any problems." He threw his arms out to the sides.

And he was right about Leah. Jacob already had her stripped down to her panties in the next room.

Jacob settled between her legs and kissed down her bare body, reaching the succulent flesh near her navel. Leah moaned softly as his tongue languidly ran down her body. He hooked his fingers around the last piece of material denying him to feel her sweet peach, and slowly began pulling the panties down her thighs. He trailed kisses back up her stomach until finally reaching her breasts. He engulfed one of her nipples into his mouth and sucked lightly. Leah shuddered and gasped at the pleasurable sensation.

Jacob slid his body up stared at Leah in the eyes. She grabbed his face between her hands and pressed her lips urgently to his. Jacob's tongue moved slowly in-and-out of her mouth, massaging her tongue sensually.

The moment had finally arrived where he wouldn't suffer from blue ball syndrome anymore. He eased his hard throbbing cock inside of her.

"…But I'm not on the pill," she stopped him.

"Me neither." He shut her up with a kiss and pushed himself all the way into her.

Meanwhile, Embry was still struggling with Kim just to get to first base. Kim was still munching on the greasy snack.

They sat stiffly next to each other while Embry brought his arm around her shoulder. He didn't bother to subtly move his hand down to the front of her blouse to do the old "boob grab" move.

He stilled for a fraction of a second when Kim stopped her eating and roved her eyes towards his hand. She didn't stop him and continued eating the chips.

That was Embry's cue to dive in.

"The patio?" Quil barked at Claire and looked at her like she was insane.

She touched his arm and glanced at the French doors in the bedroom that led to the backyard. "Yeah, go out on the patio and count to one-hundred." Claire turned her head to the bed. "And when you're finished, I'll be already undressed…"

Quil scrunched his brows and contemplated on her instructions. "Undressed?"

Claire nodded. "…in bed."

"You sure?" He couldn't contain his excitement.

"I'm sure," she smiled reassuringly.

He stood up and began walking to the French doors. "I'll be on the patio."

"OK." She nodded again.

"I'll be countin'…" Quil remarked nervously and dashed out the door closing it behind him.

He stepped onto the patio and began removing each article of clothing, starting with his yellow vest. "One, two, three…" Quil threw his shirt to the ground. "…four, five, six..." next he grabbed his shoes and pulled them off, throwing them haphazardly onto the grass. "…seven, eight, nine..." The sound of his zipper coming undone was audible through the quiet night. "…ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen..." He rubbed his hands together in anticipation once he was clothed in no more than his boxers and undershirt. But he still had a long way to go to get to one-hundred.

Embry tried to pull one of Kim's bra straps down. He succeeded in getting his jacket and her blouse off. She grabbed the strap and pulled it back up. He paused for a moment then turned around and wrapped his arms around her to unhook the bra. He figured this couldn't be too hard. He'd seen it done many times in movies. Embry tugged at the strap and scowled as he fought with the stubborn piece of material that wouldn't come apart. He pulled harder and stretched the fabric but to no avail, the fucker wasn't budging.

Kim didn't move to help Embry knowing he was having a slight problem with the bra. "Would you like a chip?" She offered ignorantly. He gave up on the stupid thing and turned to face her. "What?"

"A chip... would you like one?"

"Uh…no, thanks," he mumbled and returned to his battle with the clasp. He nearly choked Kim in the process since he had one of his arms around her neck. Kim was too nervous to say anything and she went along with it. From the look of things, all she cared about were her chips; she had nearly finished the bowl.

Embry almost threw in the towel until he glanced up and saw the small round woven basket his mother kept on the side table next to the sofa. It contained all her materials for sewing. He reached over, slid off the lid and stuck his hand in the basket searching for the one item that would help him immensely. Embry finally grabbed a hold of what he was looking for, the scissors.

_Finally_, Embry thought.

Little did he know at that very moment his parents were parking in the drive way.


	3. Shaken Parents

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight Saga or The Last American Virgin. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Content Warning:** This chapter contains bad language and sexual situations.

**Beta:** Shawnie

**Pre-reader:** Twiggs (Maggie)

* * *

**Chapter Three – Shaken Parents**

Mr. and Mrs. Call walked up to the door, unlocked it, and walked into the dark house while enjoying their conversation of their evening spent together. They had planned to stay the weekend at a bed and breakfast but decided against it.

They noticed the Pink Pizza's station wagon parked outside and figured their son had no plans for this Friday night.

"It really was. You were wonderful," Mrs. Call laughed at Mr. Call. "Embry, are you home?" Mrs. Call called out as she passed the doorway.

Embry had the cloth in-between the blades of the scissors, ready to snip the fucking clasp of the bra. _How the fuck do girls get in-and-out of these?_ He thought.

Mr. Call flicked on the lights and they both headed inside.

When Embry saw the lights flash on; he dropped the scissors and jumped in surprise. He pushed away from Kim, knocking over the bowl of chips she still held in her lap, spilling the crunchy bits all over the floor. Kim and Embry scurried to get her shirt back on but Kim was only able to get one arm into her blouse by the time Embry's parents walked in on them.

"What the hell is going on here?" Mrs. Call stood in front of Embry and Kim. "I think your son should explain what's going on here." She raised her voice while turning to look at her husband.

Mr. Call glanced at the mess on the floor and then at his son who had been caught alone with a girl in the dark. "Embry, what the hell is going on here?

Embry had no clue what to do. He panicked and thought it'd be best to play this off like this girl was his steady girlfriend. "Kim? I'd like you to meet my parents."

Kim turned herself around unable to remain hidden from Embry's parents any longer. She was embarrassed they found her this way – especially without her shirt. Her head hung low and she wasn't able to pry her eyes off the floor.

"Pop..." Embry began.

He introduced his wannabe girlfriend, "Kim."

"Hi," Kim squeaked sticking out her hand like this was a formal greeting.

Mr. Call shook her hand and answered sarcastically, "Hi."

Embry thought this wasn't so bad after all. It wasn't like Kim was completely naked. They weren't caught having sex, which would have been a nightmare. He was bummed about that part. He had spent the whole night trying to get that damn bra off. He couldn't even get to first base. Now his chances of fucking this girl were ruined. All the plans had gone to shit.

Giggling and boisterous laughter came from the hallway as Leah pranced out into the living room, where everyone was standing, wearing only her tiny white panties.

"Oh my God! I'm having a heart attack!" Mrs. Call screeched when she saw the naked girl.

Leah's smile fell when she saw the adults standing there. She quickly covered her breasts with her hands.

"Yeah!" Jacob yelled as he ran out after Leah and smacked her ass, he stood in only his boxers. He then realized Embry's parents were staring at them slack-jawed.

Jacob was shell-shocked to see Embry's parents home.

Mrs. Call snapped out of the bewilderment and hit her husband on the arm. "Don't just stand there! I want these tramps out of here!"

"Embry, get them out of here." Mr. Call coolly instructed his son.

If Embry thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, he was dead wrong.

Claire walked out without her shirt and bra, exposing her bare breasts to everyone. "Kim, can I borrow breath spr-ay?" Her eyes grew wide like saucers when she saw the crowd gathered inside the tiny living room and pressed her hands against her breasts to hide them.

Mrs. Call shrieked in distress and almost fainted. "I'm dying!"

Mr. Call caught his horrified wife in his arms. "I'm dying." She repeated to him while clutching her chest.

Embry, Jacob, and the girls took this opportunity to make an escape. They gathered what they could of the clothes that had been strewn on the sofa and ran half-naked outside to the car.

"Hurry up!" The boys hollered.

They all giggled and laughed loudly the whole time they made a run for it. Embry couldn't believe what had just happened. He was positive his parents would ground him for the rest of his life once he came back home. But this was one of the most exciting nights he'd ever had.

Once they all clambered inside the car still laughing their asses off, Jacob turned to all of them and asked, "All right, where to now?"

Kim was the most embarrassed out of all the girls. She certainly didn't have any reason to be, seeing that she wasn't even remotely close to being naked unlike her friends. "I think we should just call it a night."

"No, come on, let's go to the beach!" Embry suggested in an energetic tone.

They all agreed until Claire realized someone was missing. "Wait a minute. Where's Quil?"

Because of all the commotion, Claire forgot she had left him standing outside the patio counting to one hundred.

Mr. Call walked his perturbed wife into their dark bedroom. "This is terrible," Mrs. Call groaned.

"I want you to lie down," Mr. Call hushed his wife and moved her to the bed. "Lie down and rest."

"All right, I will." Mrs. Call was still unbelievably horrified at the scene that had unfolded between Embry's hoodlum friends. She was going to attempt to forget this night ever happened. "Please, just do me a favor? Just please go...get me two Aspirins and some water. And then close the door," she called out to her husband as she laid down bringing her hand to her temple.

Mr. Call stepped out of the room obeying her orders.

"Oh, what a mess," The distraught woman complained again.

Quil stood outside the French doors anxiously counting toward his goal. His dick was already hard just thinking about a naked Claire spread out on the bed.

"…ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine…one hundred!" Quil rubbed his hands in anticipation and then ran them through his hair.

He opened the doors as quietly as possible and slid inside. Once inside the bedroom, he saw the form of a body under the covers facing in the opposite direction. He licked his lips and climbed slowly onto the bed.

Quil spooned who he assumed to be Claire's body and reached over to grope her breast.

"Not now," Mrs. Call shoved the busy hand away, aggravated.

Quil's eyebrows shot up. "Mrs. Call?" he questioned, surprised.

Mrs. Call screamed in panic.

"Mrs. Call, what are you doing here?" Quil asked dumbly.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here!" The loud smack echoed in the room when she slapped Quil across the face. Her high-pitched shouting was heard by Mr. Call who came running into the room.

Quil shook his head and quickly tried covering her mouth to shut her up. She kept screaming her husband's name, but her voice was muffled.

"What's wrong? I brought you a couple of..." Mr. Call gasped at the sight before him.

Quil turned around quickly and raised his hands in surrender. "Mr. Call!"

"What the hell is going on here!" Mr. Call's lid almost blew off from the steam coming out of his ears and nostrils.

"No, no – you don't understand! She told me to go outside and..." Quil was failing miserably at his explanation.

Mrs. Call thought he was talking about her. "I did not! He tried to rape me!" She got off the bed and started striking Quil with a pillow repeatedly.

"Rape?" Mr. Call shouted.

"No! No!" Quil shouted back.

Mr. Call took off his shoe and started beating the shit out of Quil while his wife kept hitting him with the pillow.

"Ow! Ow!" Quil cowered and covered his head in an attempt to protect himself.

"Get out of my house! Get out of my house!"

"You pervert! Get out of my house! Shame on you!" Mr. and Mrs. Call yelled.

Quil made an escape from the death trap and sprinted outside to the car. He didn't give a shit his clothes were left behind.

Embry, Jacob, and the girls broke out in uproarious laughter watching their friend stumble out of the house scared out of his mind.

"Here he comes!"

"Quil!"

"Come on, Quil!"

"You're in your fucking underwear!"

The group couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous Quil looked jumping into the car.

Quil shut the door and was out of breath. He grabbed Embry's shoulder and looked at him wide-eyed, "Hey Embry, you know something?"

"What?" Embry chuckled.

"Your parents are home."

The rambunctious group roared with laughter as they sped off into the night. 


End file.
